I report my tests of the hypothesis that wine consumers cannot match critics’ descriptions of wines with the wines themselves. My results suggest that testers’ ability to match the des­crip­tions with the wines is no better than random. I report on more than two hundred observations of wine drinkers who engaged in the fol­lowing experiment. The drinker faces 3 glasses of wine, two of which con­­tain identical wines and the third contains a different wine. I record whether the drink­er can distinguish wines—whether he can tell the sin­gleton from the doubleton and, if the drinker can distinguish, which wine he prefers. I present the testers with descriptions of the two wines writ­ten by the same wine critic/reviewer. I find that 51 per­cent of the testers who can distinguish the wines correctly match the description of the wine with the wine itself. The per­cen­tage match­ing does not significantly differ from the expected-if-random half. I have recorded the sex of the testers and I can find that men can dis­tinguish the wines better than random, but women can­not. The dif­ferences are so small, even though significant, however, that the Exact F test detects no sig­ni­fi­cant dif­ference be­tween the ability of men and women in these experiments. The results span tests of wines from Bor­deaux, Bur­gun­­dy, the Rhone, Spain, Germany, and Aus­tral­ia; the tests use only still wines, all less than ten years old.